


turns out freedom meant nothing but missing you

by blasphemyincarnate



Series: Begin Again [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Awakenings - Freeform, Cameos, Drabble, Gay Ass Lovers, Historical References, I did not mean for this to happen, Lovers, M/M, Modern Era, Reincarnation, Ron Chernow - Freeform, Tumblr, apparently a series?, remembering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-20 21:57:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17030739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blasphemyincarnate/pseuds/blasphemyincarnate
Summary: It has been missing his whole life until he turns just a bit to the left and there is a book titled "John Laurens and the American Revolution" in the corner of his eye--and it isn'titanymore, it'shim.





	turns out freedom meant nothing but missing you

**Author's Note:**

> *very slowly being written* lmao you guys can see my process of writing three words a day until I’m done
> 
> edit 6/6/19: it has been seven months i have no words to defend myself with
> 
> title from Taylor Swift's Back to December

Alexander Hamilton has had an okay life.

Yeah, his dad walked out on the family, but the dude was a dick anyways. His mom’s not dead, even if she had to move the family in with her home nurse, Martha Washington. And James might’ve run away, but James did drugs and was never around, to begin with. So.

He’s had an okay life.

But, there’s always been something missing. Alexander might’ve thought it was James Sr. or James Jr. or a healthy mother, had it not been that it had been there as long as he could remember. Before two abandonments and the Washingtons.

No matter how hard he tries, Alexander can’t fill it. Not with books, love, pills, work. Nothing.

So he doesn’t. He lives 22 years with a gap in his soul, 22 years and 15 days until he’s in a bookshop looking for a big-ass book with his name on it.

 _Alexander Hamilton_ , by Ron Chernow. Yes, he’s buying it because his name is on it.

Alexander pulls it out then turns his head just a little-

-and in the corner of his eye, he sees a blue book. It says  _John Laurens and the American Revolution_.

 John Laurens.

'It' isn't 'it' anymore, it's  _him._

John Laurens.

When Alexander gets home to the shitty dorm he calls home, the first thing he does is boot up the laptop and search up that name. John Laurens.

Wikipedia tells him he was a soldier in the American Revolution, who died at the end. Some sort of sixth sense tells him John Laurens was far more than that.

Abolitionist. Oldest of 13, oldest to live of 5. Had a wife he got pregnant and married then never saw again. The guy never met his daughter.

Best friends with Alexander Hamilton.

No. 

Possible  _lover_ of Alexander Hamilton.

"Oh," Alexander says out loud to the empty dorm. The eyes on his roommate's MCR posters seem to look at him curiously.

Reincarnation is a  _weird_ phenomenon. He knows of the Schuyler sisters - Angelica, Eliza, Peggy, and baby Catherine - in New York, being famous politician kids as usual. Their mother is Penelope Schuyler, a Congresswoman. Up until a couple years ago, she was believed to be infertile. The elder girls were all adopted. But Catherine had come as a surprise.

A woman who looked terrifyingly similar to Maria Reynolds was often on TV, right at the front of some march or the other. Alexander had even met her face-to-face at a pride rally. She cheerfully handed him the flag he had dropped and disappeared, not noticing his stricken face.

And then there were the blogs, of course. Tumblr was  _filled_ with reincarnates. Or at least, those claiming to be.

(Oh, no doubt, some are legitimate. But there's really only one famous Amelia Earhart in the world. Not seven.)

And the Washingtons, of course. They were easy to forget, because, well, they were George and Martha, who didn't even remember.

But Alexander knows fate works in a funny way, and he knows that this longing wouldn't be there if they weren't meant to be. (And, God, isn't that cliche?)

John Laurens is out there somewhere. He just has to find him.


End file.
